Adair First Baptist Church

Excruciating pain! You can see it written on every questioning face that recites this phrase wondering where it is in scripture; desperate to find relief from their current misery. The questioning eyes betray a friend, family member or pastor who has so quickly quoted, “You know…. God won’t give you more than you can handle.” You can almost hear their tormented internal screams, “No I don’t know! No I can’t handle this! I just want the struggle to end!”

You need to know that this phrase is not in scripture. It isn’t in a rarely quoted translation. It isn’t even the sentiment found within a popular verse of scripture. It is a shallow and twisted interpretation of 1 Corinthians 10:13. This verse deals with the temptation to commit sin, specifically idolatry. Truth be told, people suffer hardships, persecution, pain, and trials that are far more than they can bear. When this empty platitude is taken off of the shelf, dusted off, and served up to a wounded soul it definitely hurts much more than it helps.

It hurts because it implies that God is the one who has initiated the pain. As the saying goes, it is God who is giving the pain, trial, or persecution. God does in fact punish his children resulting in very painful situations. Never does God torment or send pain just to “toughen up” His kids. Pain, torment, persecution, ridicule, trials, and “evil” are the result of the brokenness of the world in which we live. Satan is working, sin is destroying, and thus mankind is suffering. God loves in spite of sin and God comforts through the pain. God demonstrated His love for us by sending Christ to feel the ultimate pain, the cross, so that we can be brought near to Him, comforted by Him and protected from destruction.

It hurts because it implies that the hearer deserves the pain. Think for a moment how you felt the last time someone told you, “God doesn’t give you more than you can bear.” Many ask, “But what did I do to deserve the pain!” Every sin has a consequence and that consequence is painful, but the inverse of this formula is not true! Every pain is not a consequence of your personal sin. Your pain is often simply that….unremarkable yet unmistakable pain. It is neither deserved nor wanted. It just is.

It hurts because it implies that the hearer is a failure since the weight of the pain is crushing and debilitating. Guilt ends up being the insult added to their injury. Many languish in despair because “good Christians” can bear the weight of the pain. It is then reasonable to conclude, “I must be a bad Christian because I simply cannot bear my current situation.” It is a tragic web of situational pain woven into feelings of bitterness, remorse, and guilt; a trap that renders its victim helpless and hopeless.

It hurts because it allows you to stay separated from your friend’s pain. Just when a friend needs hope and help they receive instead an empty (although well intentioned) platitude. Often people share, “God doesn’t give you more than you can bear” in order to shine a ray of hope when they don’t know what else to say or do. Obviously the intention is to comfort and give hope. So what should a friend do? The pain comes from the distance that this phrase can create. In a sense it exempts you from feeling their pain and walking with them through their ordeal. They receive pity when they need empathy.

Empathy is the answer! Instead of saying, “God won’t give you more than you can bear” please say something like, “Your heart must really hurt right now. I am here to listen if you need to talk.” Listening is almost magical in its healing attributes. Often just knowing that someone understands and cares is soothing beyond understanding. An embrace or appropriate touch is an indication that you are willing to come close and share the weight of the load. Quietly sitting and praying so that a friend will not be alone in their despair offers the very hope that is needed. Why does a hug feel so good in such horrible circumstances? The answer to that question is not nearly as important as recognizing that God gave hugs healing power. As a child of God you have been given divine power to show meaningful love to hurting people. Without doubt if you decide to do these things you will experience much more pain because you will be bearing the pain of those around you. Such practices are far more costly and painful but they are also an exhibition of the love and heart of Jesus.

In Christ,

Dan Lewis

Pastor, Adair FBC

[email protected]

918-706-3476